Beware the Barbequed Jackfruit

I rarely post negative reviews ("If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," my mother used to tell me), but today I ate something that was singularly awful. I had reserved a Zipcar for running errands on my day off, and as I zipped around from Petco to Target, pretending to be a suburban lady in my Honda Civic hybrid, I got hungry and decided to stop for lunch at the All Star Sandwich Bar in Inman Square. This place had been on my must-go list for ages, and finally the time was right.

At the counter, though, I was overwhelmed by the possibilities. Should I go for the Muffaletta? It was tempting, but I was a little worried that so much meat might slow me down. Maybe a turkey and avocado? That seemed a bit pedestrian for this all-star bar. Sensing my hesitation, the guy at the counter suggested the barbeque sandwich from the list of specials. The description said VEGAN. Evidently, the sandwich was made with barbequed jackfruit and slaw.

"So the jackfruit is the meat substitute?" I asked, warily.

He told me it was so good I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between their regular pulled pork sandwich and this vegan version. Plus, this was much healthier. I was dubious, but intrigued. Who had ever heard of BBQ pulled jackfruit? Not I.

A few minutes later, my homemade lemonade and hot sandwich were ready to go, and I rushed back to the Zipcar to unwrap my lunch and take a big bite. I wanted to like it, I really did. After all, I was starved. But the jackfruit was undeniably vegetable matter--not pork. And no amount of barbequeing had been able to disguise its texture or its taste. With similarly soggy-crunchy-vinegary coleslaw on top, it was simply...foul. I took a few more bites, hoping each time that it would get better. But it never did, and at my next stop I re-wrapped the offender and dropped it into a trashcan, hating myself for wasting food.

I imagine there are people who like barbequed jackfruit. Probably the same people who enjoy tofurkey. I have nothing against them. But I will never join their ranks. That much is clear.